Pretty much how I feel right now...

Devastation, heart-wrenched, and broken
these are three words I have spoken,
no I won't let you in,
please,
let me shut out the light,
this doesn't feel quite right.
Human love,
its supposed to be true,
but its sick its twisted
its all cuz of you.
I want to love
I really do
but all I can do is sit
and stare blankly at you.
I hate how I love you
I sit quietly
I think and I wonder,
of how things used to be,
how much I loved you,
I guess I forget,
and now I remember,
and how much it hurt,
I know I shouldn't kiss you,
or hug you for long,
should I just let you go?
Maybe its time to move on.
Love isn't real
to a plain boy like me,
I've never been loved,
like I want to be,
Theres dad and I love him,
there is mom too,
there's Jesus in Heaven
he loves me too :)
and though thats the greatest love of all
your the one missing
an important love,
over all.
I love you too much
its too much to bear
nothings worse I swear
late nights hoping
midnights dreaming
devastation increasing,
devastation release me.

Devastation? sound good?
-Payden Michael Jolley

PS Thanks Julia, and James you guys are the best fake parents ever, basically cuz I can talk to you about anything :)