Approaching Near

Every time I hear it

I seem to nearly feel it

Is it love

or maybe hate

or something rather the opposite?

It could be one thing,

or entirely another.

Maybe its murder,

maybe its my mother.

The simple thought,

it's out of the question;

who on earth,

would seek that destination.

No one can quite tell,

the moment of day,

when I do the things,

that I do that day.

It comes without any pure reason

Not a single occurring thought.

The moment I hear,

what I hear.

What I thought.

And then when it comes closer;

it seems quite in reach,

and then it's nearly touching my cheek.

Then I realize,

that this thing I've been hearing,

it's the thing I've been steering

away from all these years.

It's love,

It's courage,

the ability to stand,

outside of myself.

and be my own demand.

Control my own world

contort my own life.

Not let you, her, or him have a splice.

Get over yourself,

get out of this world.

Get into your own.

The one that you own.

I'm my own master.

I control my own fate.

My soul receives guidance,

from this single face.

And now that I know this

I can't possibly forget,

now its time,

that I go and get;

my future,

my life,

my love,

my time,

its mine forever.

And no one can change that again.

Don't ask because I don't know... xP

Love,

Payden

Love

It was born so long ago

love pure as snow

and now I get to know

I love you so.

Life can be frustrating.  Sometimes I just wish I could find a girl I can actually fall in love with.  But I know its not that easy.  From experience I've learned not to get desperate, it makes you do stupid stuff.  I just only wish I could find someone I like, no one has caught my eye in the way I want.  It just makes me sad.  Someone come fall in love with me

Love,

your dearest,

Payden

Any reference to persons other than my self is completely coincidental. 

Little things

I think I saw a shooting star

I know I saw it,

no doubt,

not one at all.

So simple and gracious,

so great and powerful.

I held my breath,

and closed my eyes,

imagined her,

that which money can't buy.

So I made my wish,

such a little thing,

yet so ornate and wonderful.

It was snowing one day,

just a little flurry,

I was in such a hurry,

as the snowflakes did scurry.

But I took the time to notice;

that little tiny snowflake.

It seemed so rather boisterous.

Its beauty brought me pleasure.

Its design rare like unto an eagle feather.

It made me smile for that second,

it made my heart remember that moment.

The girl I let go,

so many years ago.

And so that day the snowflake fell,

I remembered her.

Then the night the small star flew,

I remembered her.

By all these little things,

I did remember what was true.

That I loved her.

And surely I knew.

Why did I ever,

begin to doubt.

The candle of love was out?

For it wasn't,

it still burned bright;

those little things spoke

go seize her love

its time to love back.

So ever since those little things,

I remember, 

never forget to notice.

To notice someone like you,

or someone like a me.

A little me,

yes,

A little you.

-Payden Michael Jolley

Sleeping or living?

Dark creeps in

when all lights fade

when children weep

when cities sleep

all one time

all one thing

I like to call it sleep.

But many times it seems,

to come around at the day

when we be most afraid.

To come around in light,

it wanders through the day.

But in the night

the peaceful night

our brains seem to decay

away far away.

A teenage boy dreams silently away,

dreams of thing he had wished that day,

that girl he loved

to love back

to hold him like he did

what a silly plan.

And feel born again.

The little child dreams in fear

Goblins, Monsters, and things which scare.

He wishes he could wake

and escape from there,

almost gets away,

but goblins grab

and want to eat

before they can.

Mom comes and flips a light

the goblins flee

Mom holds the boy tight.

No sleep she receives

until dreams deplete.

That average adult

lies on the couch

slips into a mist,

oh the confusion,

and the doubt.

Nothing makes sense.

All thoughts seem to wander,

He begins to feel lost.

His brains confusion

much greater than the child,

His love for the women

more hopeless then the boys.

He wakes the next day.

Nothing to say.

The dream slipped away.

Over and over,

the teenager may wish

the child may cry

the Adult, lost in the mist.

But such joy

is found

the brains disarray

For all dreaming away.

Fears.

Wishes.

Things not yet understood.

Love.

Faith.

Heaven.

Hell.

Embrace them,

Hate them,

Do what you may,

Cast those dreams far away.

Hold them close.

Keep drifting away.

Forever and every

dreams will always stay. 

:)

Again

Someone fell for me

Someone cried to me

But no one told me

Everyone grew tall

I shrunk oh so small

Crushed and mauled.

My soul did fall,

But you didn't know

that you were the who

who picked me up

and made me whole

you gave me hope

you looked like a fool.

You still stood

and carried me forward

loving and soft

a part from me

but oh so close

you made me cry

but tears of joy

my soul did fly

your company I did try.

You were there

My friend my pal

Your heart did share

And I never would fall

Again

Thanks,

to all of my friends,

and you know who you are.

Your the best!

Some Poems for you :)

A Girl

I met a girl

a beautiful girl

with a beautiful smile

and gorgeous hair

she radiates sunlite

more that the sun itself

I love her

Much more than myself

I want her to know

from the day that we met

‘til the day that i die

I’ll love her

and this is why

She looks of an angel

she calms me when I cry

she smells just like roses

and I love her

Her name to me

such a sweet lullabye

that brings me life

when I want to die

I love you

I promise

I promise I do

Dont ever forget how much I do

Shattered

My heart

It stopped

It loved

it cared

it hurt

it shattered

My love

was strong

was great 

was fair

was shattered

I love her

she doesn’t

she loves

she does

but not me

she shattered

she shattered me

I still love her

and though its hard

to see her go

to see her with

the man she has

the man she loves

I still love

I still care

I still have a heart

it still beats

but my love

my care

my heart

my life

is shattered

Will this last

will it hurt

sill it stay

in this shattered state

I want her to be happy

I want her safe

I want her taken care of

In every possible way

but I am still shattered

I cannot deny

I love beyond love

I care beyond care

Is this shattered heart beyond repair?

Saved 

He stares into the vastness

He stares into blackness

He begins to lose it

One step at a time

One salty drop

Stings his cheek

His heart almost stops

Not one saw him leap.

He fights back anger

He fights back hate

His distrust lingers

His self chosen fate

Those who listened

Those who cared

Had lied

Had hidden

Gave only despair.

Those tears of sorrow

Those tears of hate

Announced themselves

As pouring rain

He steps outside

Into the musty air

As the sky erupts

His angry cry.

He sits and sheds his final tear

As the rain takes over

He knows the end is near

He sits alone

So hateful

So sad

He wont let go

Of the anger

He has.

He steps forward

Looks at his ending

And sees all those

 Waves dipping under

Before his final 

Booming thunder

He can no longer see Heaven

He feels so close to Hell

It seemed over

He couldn’t take the sorrow

Love he could not borrow.

He looks at the ocean

Quaking with absurd motion

“God I am sorry

I guess I’ll never know”

He jumps,

But does not fall

But there stands tall--

There is a man

In all glory instead

The rain steadies

The boy cries once again

He discovered someone, 

Will always somehow listen

Even when a hatred

Became his symptom 

God saved him

He was to young to die

God has saved so many

And sees to any

Hopeless child

Crying to the sky

We all need the one

To listen

To care

Yes him

The one

Will Love

Will Save

My Redeemer is always there

So I wrote these today, I hope you like them

More coming soon.

Really let me know what you think? 

K? k

-Payden Michael Jolley

Five followers

Wow! Someone is supa popular!
I cut my hair!
I don't like it...
Oh well... it grows back right??? :/
Okay anywho school is terrible, and ya.. I loveth my friends forever!

I wan't an older brother...

That was random.

Bye-

Payden

Sunday Morning

Sunday Morning Rain isn't falling...

So... Slept great.

Oh apparently all girls dream of kissing in the rain?

So I haven't really been serious with the whole new years resolution thing in the past, but I think this year I should take it seriously.

So...
-I'm going to keep my room organized and clean.
-I'm going to graduate from High School.
-I'm going to spend more time practicing my musical instruments and play less video games.
-I'm going to eat tomatoes, green peppers, and like them.
-I'm going to eat healthy... I really ought to not drink soda...
-I'm going to go to college.
-I'm going to get a job! I WILL GET A JOB!

So obviously I need my dear friends to help me keep these resolutions, so guys.

HELP!
Thanks!

So last night I was texting a person... AWESOME!

So anyhow... Tomorrow I  must return to school... This upcoming week I have a few large questions on my head... And they are-

Should I drop AP lit?
What class should replace chem?
And how the beans am I going to get a tux for preference?
Oh and when is preference?

Thats all
love your dear person,

-Payden Michael Jolley

Pretty much how I feel right now...

Devastation, heart-wrenched, and broken
these are three words I have spoken,
no I won't let you in,
please,
let me shut out the light,
this doesn't feel quite right.
Human love,
its supposed to be true,
but its sick its twisted
its all cuz of you.
I want to love
I really do
but all I can do is sit
and stare blankly at you.
I hate how I love you
I sit quietly
I think and I wonder,
of how things used to be,
how much I loved you,
I guess I forget,
and now I remember,
and how much it hurt,
I know I shouldn't kiss you,
or hug you for long,
should I just let you go?
Maybe its time to move on.
Love isn't real
to a plain boy like me,
I've never been loved,
like I want to be,
Theres dad and I love him,
there is mom too,
there's Jesus in Heaven
he loves me too :)
and though thats the greatest love of all
your the one missing
an important love,
over all.
I love you too much
its too much to bear
nothings worse I swear
late nights hoping
midnights dreaming
devastation increasing,
devastation release me.

Devastation? sound good?
-Payden Michael Jolley

PS Thanks Julia, and James you guys are the best fake parents ever, basically cuz I can talk to you about anything :)

New years resolution

This years new years resolution=blogging?
Apparantly blogging is the new... New?

Well it's in.  So I'm doing it.

This year I will do a few things...

Go to college,
Graduate from high school,
Fall in love,
Move out,
Get a Job,
And thats its.

Have a wonderful 2011....

-Payden xP