36 Days... Oh my heck

36 days...
36 days left...
36 more days...
36 days ahead...
36 days 'til what?
36 days of what?
36 days for what?
Why 36 days?
College...
36 days and I will be there...



Living with roommates, cooking my own meals,
attempting homework, partying hard, studying hard,
and most importantly being there.
Why is college such a big deal?
I don't actually know... Is it really a big deal... Should it be a big deal?
Well I'm going to make the days building up to it... wait for it... a BIG DEAL!
See? Its pretty big...
Well moving on from that then...
Since I have 36 days until this oh so momentous occasion we, or maybe I should say I, are/am going to be doing some things of great and epic proportion...
Today being the 24th of July, a Utah holiday, I'll make day 36 have a bit of a bang for the start of this adventure...
In order to account for what I do, I will film, draw, photograph, or record in any other form what I do so its there for others to see, hear, or whatever via blog...
If I can actually record all 36 days in some form I shall have completed a great task...
GO ME!
Also... I hope you like my new blog layout :) it took me forever to figure out... ><

Rusty Poem About Love (fair warning, its terrible xP)

Every moment I waited.

Every tear shed.

Its turning out worth it

for me.

I can only wonder

why I waited so long

to take a leap

into loving arms.

I wait and I wonder

where can this go?

Does it nearly matter?

Letting love grow

This poem sucks

but it means so much more

than I can afford.

Its going somewhere

Lets jump overboard.

Come with me,

into these deep strange seas

I'm not a great swimmer

but I know how to float

And if love is worth it

I'll take a mouthful

of sea foam.

So here we go,

in crashing waves,

trying to pull as under.

Take it or leave it

My hand I mean.

Drown with me,

or swim with me

It doesn't matter

As long as your together

with me...

Melting Love

Sun shines down,

I look at the melting snow.

My heart wants to melt.

I fall in love,

spring is here.

Everyone knows who I am,

but no one knows whats inside.

My loving heart gets trapped,

as the ice melts I feel free,

finally love takes over,

I decide its over.

No more waiting, 

Loves that simple,

Now is the time

I don't actually know

where to go

what to do

or who I am.

But I know

I'm in love,

It's spring,

I'm ready for this.

I can take on the world,

A new soul, 

Ready to surge,

Exploding with compassion,

and passion,

uncontrolled,

unable to pull down.

I'm unstoppable

'cause I love you.

You made my heart turn

winter to spring.

Stop hiding,

Come out,

Baby I love you.

You know I do.

Let us run

far away,

come into this warmth

the warm spring

with me.

Love turns winter

to spring <3

So... This poem is odd, its more free verse than anything and it really doesn't rhyme.  But whatevs.  Enjoy :)

Love,

Pay Jolley <3

You wouldn't understand

Sometimes I can't breathe,

and sometimes I can't see.

Hearts torn

too many times

useless to say.

I only have,

a single spoken moment

to say.

A moment when I was left

abandoned,

tricked, 

and played.

Something can't be

when two others are.

And everything crashes and tumbles

a love so tender,

it doesn't make fit.

I can't stay,

you go and play.

I'll chase cars,

and watch the clouds fly by.

But you remember,

I love you

and you know I do.

Don't ever forget,

how much I do

when you look at the sunrise,

and see the moon fall.

Try and forget

about him and 

remember who took you

picked you up

I didn't throw you,

I just held you.

Hold me?

Please

<3

I can't tell the truth

I can't  protect myself,

this hurting must stop

I've got no key to the lock

My heart stopped.

I'm sorry to say.

But I can't give up,

I'll try to stay.

Something Depressing?

Let me make this clear

my heart torn

my gut wrenched

face the fear.

I hate that day

discovering what may,

every moment passes,

hated without love or passion.

I love it,

but I can't.

they ruin it

I collapse

Falling ever so slightly

as if

Slipping over the edge

moving towards

a great and giant

Hole in my life

the emptiness may not show

but every waking moment

the pain that I endure

far beyond what I

Can assure you'll ever know

what's missing is there

you're  too blind to see what's coming;

What's already here

that train that never left,

you waited.

I knew It was there, 

I waited for you to come

but you didn't understand

that my heart

Couldn't bear the

blade so dull,

It tore through flesh

as if it was

Meant to mangle

not nearly damage

break something

so beyond repair.

You wouldn't understand

would you?

could you?

I can't,

Tell you the the things inside

the fire destroying every last 

bitter memories

blown out by the wind

into my mind.

What I can't see that you can

the hardship you gave

why you did it

tell me.

I hate it that I love you

and you hate my love for you

and I hate that I could tell

the things I shouldn't share

I destroyed it on my own.

Blaming things

upon an unnecessary throne,

one that had no king,

more a guillotine

a bloodied throat
thrown down,

to cut,

to bash,

to spill the blood,

the hearts last wish.

A false hope

Glimmered in the reflection

of the blood shed

from the throne of that

King so innocent 

that blood was meant

for someone else

someone who

Understood the consequence

who brought it unto me 

and threw the candle into the dark

darkening my day

and sickly twisting

the demented night

of a lost soul.

I wouldn't gain understanding,

Because you destroyed me.

The train is leaving.

But all that will be on it.

Is a dead body

of the soul you left there.

Are those my Friends?

Jared Olson I love you
James Lewis love you
Julia Larsen I love you
Rachel Smith I love you
Taylor Airmet I love you
Kenzie Dodge I love you
Adam Packard I love you
Daniel Dean I love you
Sydney Sperry I love you
Natalie Gines I love you
Mikelle Christensen I love you
Tia Heule I love you
Sara Jolley you are my bestest friend and I LOVERS you!

So yes I love many people but I felt I should say that I love you guys cuz I don't ever tell you...
But WHY? You ask... Well its simple...

Jared I love you cuz you put of with my crap.  There's times we have hated each other but you still turn out my bestest friend. Your a one of a kind Brother.  I mean who else has a friend that has the fashion of a gay man but talks about girls like a straight!? Thats a good thing PS.  Jared you are my bfffffl r_r n_n thats us :)

James I love you because you are my rapping buddy.  Ever since that moment when I asked, "Is that seat taken?" I knew we were destined to be together xP haha.  After all the times we've been through I can say you are my brother. So you know we are brothers and its awesome.

So Julia... I love you bunches.  You are fabulous because its impossible to not have anything to talk about around you.  You are absolutely hilarious and that is why I loves you.  Can I please cut up that magazine??? oops I already did.

My dear girlfriend Rachel! Thats your name now, even though its not true. But I find it hilarious! I hope you do to.  I love your hugs, your happiness. And the fact that you always act happy no matter what.  Im jealous! I mean what the Heck! CHIPS!

Taylor taylor little jeggings taylor.  I love you cuz you are small with a giant spirit.  Your smallness is made up for by you always being out there.  I hope you enjoyed that ring pop.  And I hope that your mom laughed and didn't think i was psycho when I proposed! xP

Kenzie I love you because you like mac and cheese.  Yes its that simple but it is that true! LOVE!

Adam! Glomp! Yes this is true.  And even though you may never read this payden loves your body! haha okay well... that was weird xP Adam we need to party sometime? YES??? DEAL!

Daniel you are my man crush! My great man crush! And my only man crush, be proud of this.  So with that said, I AM NOT GAY.  I like girls. A lot. But you are my crush kinda like the james and rachel being soul mates thing.  I hope thats clear.  Daniel I love your bodacious loquacious babeness! Its fantastic! So have a great day!

Sydney Sperry! I love you cuz your hyper as beans (as if beans were hyper) but your always energized and crazy. And fun to be around.  Just don't drink caffeine. Like really.  I never want to see that again! You being hyper that is.  And then again it was fun while it lasted.

Natalie oh natalie. My bestest buddy! You are fantastic and I love you cuz your fantastic at listening.  You give great great hugs.  And you are never mad.  You always love everybody.  And when you listen you actually care.  And I just have to say I love you lots!

Mikelle.  Smell my bosom! I had so much fun at homecoming. We make a pretty good party.  So you know we should party more! You are hilarious and the fact that your soul is a black women with blonde hair makes you super awesome.  I love having my inner blonde buddy with me.  Its pretty much awesome.

Tia, although I have never actually met you. Your pretty awesome.  We've had some pretty good times.  For one I love gingers and also.  Your just super fun to talk to.  And your probably the only person I haven't ever wanted to scream all my problems too. Which is actually good because it means I'm always happy when I talk to you cuz you put me in a good mood.

SARA ROSE JOLLEY! I lovers you the mostest cuz your the bestest sister ever! I think you are totally wonderful! And I love that you ask me for advice.  It makes me feel important.  So ya I love you my dear sister.  Even when you punch me for doing dumb stuff. (I deserve it) so what the beans! Go a head! Holy Poop! I love you.  Go watch that mitchell Davis video that is how much I love you! Okay ya LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE! Thats a lot!

Guys I love you all! I mean it! If you ever need a big hug! Payden gives bigger ones! Cuz he loves you!
So have a wonderful day! Love Payden.

Oh and Julia while you have been freaking out this whole time about your Emma Watson magazine the truth is.  I have it still And it isn't cut up :)

I Love you all!

Love,

Payden

And they were his friends.